I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
