His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
