I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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