he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wish there were birth control emojis
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
