If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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