Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
