3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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