One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
