i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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