I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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