you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
