My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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