Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
