The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
