Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize