lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
