he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
