Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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