i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
