I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
