one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
