At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
