A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
