You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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