im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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