Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
