Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
