Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
