I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Green mimosas i think yes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
