I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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