Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
