I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My life is pants optional.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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