2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
