My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
