i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i out mim tonsoeep
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