drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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