For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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