how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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