You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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