that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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