Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
