he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
