I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i dont even know how to be here
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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