Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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