I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
