all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize