All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
