remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
