her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is the high leading the old right now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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