don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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