i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
