I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
