how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
