I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
