Three words: puerto rican gang bang
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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