just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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