Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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