and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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