Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
