I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
