There r osticjed everywhere
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
