Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
