I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
