Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
