Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Come see our sink grown plant.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
