Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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