Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
