There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
