he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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