Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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