One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
