good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
