So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
