Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
