did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am midnight drunk by noon
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
