my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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